Feeling less psychological flexibility, or “feeling stuck,” is a byproduct of words. We start right out of the womb as flexible little learners, soaking up information through our five senses, and finally relating that information to words. As time goes by the words get stronger and stronger. We pay less attention to our five senses experiencing and more attention to the words in our heads. Of course the words are wonderful and allow us to communicate with others. However, the price we pay for the words is less flexibility. That is, we can believe what the words in our heads are telling us instead of integrating the information that is also available to us through our five senses. Most of the time less flexibility is no big deal, but at other times it keeps us stuck doing things that just don’t work for valued living. The trick is to let go of the words and pay more attention to what our five senses are letting us know about the world. One of the easiest ways to do that is listening for flexibility.
[Note: The following is an experiment. If you get a chance to do the experiment, please let me know about your results in the comments section of the psychological flexibility blog.]
When someone is speaking to you notice the impact of his or her words on your flexibility. Do the words “feel” flexible inside of you? Does it feel like you have more or less options after hearing those words? Such noticing is done in an instant and you really don’t spend any time analyzing it. Just notice the flexibility and either keep listening or respond. After you respond to the person, does the next thing the person says sound more or less flexible? Do you have more or less options?
To review:
- You are first noticing the flexibility of the speaker’s words as they rattle around inside of you,
- then you are noticing what you say after hearing the flexibility,
- and then you return to listening for flexibility.
You really can’t think about this process much; there is just not enough time. It’s much like learning balancing on a bicycle; you don’t have time to think about balancing and doing. You simply notice the balance, notice doing the next action, and then notice the balance. The more you ride the more natural the process becomes. It’s the same when you are learning to do listening for flexibility; in one fluid motion you notice the flexibility, notice what you say next, and then return to noticing flexibility.
Take care,
Kevin
P.S.
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